why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize