Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I want a musical about memes.
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