Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
