Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
