Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
