At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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