I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
