just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
