I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
