Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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