is your mom at the bar?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
