Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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