bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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