It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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