We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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