So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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