omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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