remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
