Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize