Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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