Heybabeimwearingurpanties
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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