I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Porn is love you can see.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
