Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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