i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
