I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
