I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
