Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
