Taylor Swift is so right about you.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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