C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
