next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
