I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
