Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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