i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
