Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize