Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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