So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
