why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
