everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
