Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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