Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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