Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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