Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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