I'm lost and stupid without you.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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