is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
