I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
