rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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