I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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