I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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