I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish you could order shots online.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
