I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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