i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
