they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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