There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
