well I can't set my house on fire every night
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
