so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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