fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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