Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
