He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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