I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
