Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
