i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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