I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize