i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
