My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
