So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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