My balls are so social today.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
