my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
